paints and churches

shit that eases my mind

a cricket just jumped on my bed

 in a tank and undies

i'm putting on pants cause i couldn't kill it 

from the bottom...up

I don't like polished or clean, I can't watch a photoshop tutorial without clicking on another tab, I've been  questioning my passions since last night, a certain thing upset me, still upsetting me, you don't fuck with peoples shit is the bottom line.  I'm distraught and all over the place, my left eye is swollen, wondering if I treat my life like I treat my relationships. Get so close then runaway, guard my true feelings so i won't get hurt, won't feel disappointment, the rejection part isn't scary, its the now I gotta turn my whole life around, pick up those pieces and figure out how to make this shit work that gets me.  Things I wake up to on tuesday morning. 

handwritings

At 21 years old I still write things on my hand so I can remember

My favorite song at the moment is i'm not callin you a liar- florence + the machines

I changed the name I think its gonna stick this time, I just need to make a new banner 

I applied for school yesterday

I will enjoy my days off this week and  go places and take many photos 

You think I would just use my cell phone to remember names,things to do etc... but I only check the thing when it goes off

5:30 am

Woke up at 5:30, decided to watch my blueberry nights, beautiful film, lovely cast, half way through the movie I picked up my jank laptop and began to look for a second job and new lenses for my camera that a coworker had suggested to me.. needless to say I can't afford the one I truly need at the moment and thats okay.  I'm glad I watched the movie, I was reminded of myself, and how she just went away and started a new life, something I've wanted to do for quite awhile now.  I felt like I ended yesterday, broke down, simple shit pisses me off and it lets me know I don't need to be here. The hardest thing I've done is move back home and try to find my way back out, it puzzles me how at 18 I moved 8 hours away to a huge city and I was just fine. I felt secure, happy and satisfied, and now that I'm here, back home, I'm never content, not quite happy, and I make a mess of things.  I deleted my facebook and twitter, taking a break from cyber space and other people's thoughts. I think its raining again. I'm gonna go out and shoot, do my hair and fix these horrid eyebrows.

NowPlaying: The Story- Norah Jones