from the bottom...up

I don't like polished or clean, I can't watch a photoshop tutorial without clicking on another tab, I've been  questioning my passions since last night, a certain thing upset me, still upsetting me, you don't fuck with peoples shit is the bottom line.  I'm distraught and all over the place, my left eye is swollen, wondering if I treat my life like I treat my relationships. Get so close then runaway, guard my true feelings so i won't get hurt, won't feel disappointment, the rejection part isn't scary, its the now I gotta turn my whole life around, pick up those pieces and figure out how to make this shit work that gets me.  Things I wake up to on tuesday morning.