sunrise and tequila

10 mins till my birthday is over I sit here smiling and pondering my 21 years of  life.  The week led me to believe that my birthday would be awful, I'm not gonna lie I have been quite miserable these past few weeks and it was beginning to show.  I did realize one thing.. I love my dreams, in this week alone I went after things I never would have thought of before and I will continue to do so.  I also have a very important feature to write which I am nervous, terrified and down right excited about at the same time. 

It's weird because 3 years ago writing was the one thing I wanted to get away from. Well actually journalism, I hate the idea of formatting and all that other jazz. But any who I began my celebration at midnight,danced and laughed the night away; and was overjoyed at the fact that there were no big X's on my hand(21+ clubs are bomb). Just a simple smiley face on my wrist (shoulda took a picture), I even dragged Betty into the club.. the least to say I miss Candy on these nights well Joe as she is known today.

He was so cute 

My eyebrows need a serious wax job

I've been finding myself since I was 18.. 3 years later the journey still continues. 


Happy January 24th

last minute thoughts

Sitting topless.. talkin to people on fb.. I always get that errie feeling like mmmm what if they can see me.  I'm not ashamed of my body but I really dnt want people seeing my nipps at 2 in the afternoon. Oh and texting the guy.. I don't know what to call him anymore, bestftriend/lover.. whatever so now when I refer to him he will be the guy. But in other news, hours and hours away till the bday celebration and I'm honestly not that excited.  I thought 21 would be great but its just a day that will involve olive garden.  I cried today.. but thats better than crying on the day of..right.  Honestly the one thing I want the most for my birthday is to get the hell outta dodge and a hug from the guy. But sadly the car I'm driving needs new brakes and an oil change, no road trip adventure for me. 

Oh and I entered a photography contest!!! Really would love your votes!! Please Please please.. ok I'm done begging  here's the link 

http://www.talenthouse.com/creativeinvites/preview/a0ea7ff0339e7da34e8e150781685bec/167?referral=fb_wall_vote_link

VOTE FOR ME!!!

lonely photographer

I need to shoot people I've settled for booties and pearls

Photographer in search of a model/friend type person 

laced with pearls

This afternoon was the first time I've had peace of mind.. and I threw myself into lace tights to do so. Sometimes I don't know what my life is coming to, after driving around the lovable miss daisy of life, Betty and I braced the cold and not one shot was worthy of approval. Instead I received freezing fingers and a smile on my face. I can't worry about things I have no control over, aww the wisdom that comes with age, but can I try and change it.

birthday who hah

So my birthday is in four days and I'm excited but not so excited. My best birthdays were when I was little and I just wanted cake and icecream, being older I am tired of the birthday dinners and the blah blah blah, its on a Sunday so I honestly just want it to myself and to enter a 21+ club at 12am.. but most importantly I want no one else to try and control it, as my mother has already tried to do, with her suggestion of going to the new bowling alley.

I love my family but bowling, bumper cars and laser tag isn't my idea of a good 21st birthday. I really just want to go to olive garden, well a restaurant I can get a nice drink at and so forth. I don't want a big birthday dinner with my friends.. I just want to party with my closest ones the following weekend, shop and wear marvelous high heels. Now here are a few of the things I would like to be shopping for or have gifted to me.

Jeffrey Campbell Foxy Platform Shoes or a cheaper version

I've had my eye on these shoes for months now, they just make me happy 

Well thats pretty much it, I don't trust people to but my bottoms or dresses, I made that a no no for my mommy this year, because in her opinion she thinks I'm weird so shes buys me the most horrendous things ever.  In my opinion when shopping for others, no matter how different they are, ask yourself now would I step out the house in this. 

umm loser much

ever call a guy , no answer, disappointment, send a text, he calls back.... uhhhhh let me call u back= your response

 i feel like cryin.i don't even know why,  is there such a thing as post menstrual syndrome, 

fuck my thoughts

i googled it... is it possible to have pre and post

womanhood is so unfair

passion

I hate everything I've photographed recently. Received very lovely news today.. I just want a photo I'm proud of , lately I've just been posting to post, to take my mind off not working, today was my first day back... found out my fellow part timers and I don't go back again till the 31st.. determined to take a good photo by then.

♥

a night in

Now Playing: gravity- sara bareilles 

My Fantasy.. man with guitar.. singing a sad lovely song john mayer typish 

Real Life... shaggy fro, converse wearing, tattooed poet rapper type of guy 

It's Saturday night, I'm doing nothing and its wonderful, a hoodie I've had since 8th grade, cut to my liking of course, and socks I wore to party from a friend which I never gave back.  I love the exposure of these photos, I'm making myself shoot all manual, no auto, one of my 2011 things to do.

oh and real life is way better than my fantasy john mayer 

i love her

The heater in my room smells awful.. like it's gonna burn the house down.. slightly scared, too lazy to get out of bed and unplug it. My other half is sad and therefore my great night just became kinda down, it also made me realize I'm not really there for her like I should be, I miss her, her red hair and asian eyes. Shes a gazillion miles away in chicago but when we do talk its like shes still in the room next door and I'm callin to wake her up so we can go eat and not have to starve. god I miss those days, I miss Chicago, I miss how I could look at her and she knew what I was thinkin.. my other half, the girl next door, my best friend. 

fave

old pictures

best memories

tights on a cold day

the blank pages of my diary, that I haven't touched since you left me

 The closed blinds in my home, see no light of day

 Dust gathers on my stereo, cause I can't bear to hear the radio

 The piano sits in a shaded place, with a picture of your face

 I'm scared to face another day, cause the fear in me just won't go away

 In an instant, you were gone and I'm scared

Coffee stains on your favorite book, remind me of you so I can't take a look

Now playing I'm scared- duffy

Beautiful song, love her voice, makes me think, I can let it play for hours

mmmm yea

can't sleep, almost there, woke up, smoked almost half, in my room, yes in my room... why did I do this..  the smell will be gone by the morning right.. right.. ? ugh went up stairs cracked door, downstairs smells of febreze and smoke, got cherries, mikes hard lemonade.. why didn't I just do that in the first place.. nasty taste in my mouth.. usually just use these things as props, dont like the way they taste.. used mouth wash twice.. now every thing tastes like mouthwash.. can't enjoy my lemonade 

need my own place

lists and boots

oh and yes I was still snowed in today.. but I did go outside.. I almost froze.. I shoulda worn gloves.. welp

I made a list,  I have goals, I need it to be MONDAY

lil honesty

Ok lets be honest my past attempts at school have not been successful.. I despise it, it doesn't feel right but by May I believe and I say this with a cringe that I will be ready. So with the fact that I so do not pay attention to detail I failed to realize not only was I suspended from MTSU so was my financial aid.bummer right.. but I will not let it get me down.. I will not freak out!!!! 


I honestly do not know if I want to go back there.. it sounds good in my head but sometimes I think I'm coming up with another escape plan just to get away from home. When truly the only escape plan is to move out, May is the plan, it was suppose to be January but don't u love how life just knocks u down sometimes.  I talked to my mom today(shocker) about my car situation and we've decided to try and sell, I'm takin my life into my own hands and dealing with it my way.. its the only way to get shit accomplished

pictures tell a story.. this one shows the effects of cheap makeup
I remember wiping my eyes immediately to get off the black
love love 

stream of conscious

laying in bed watching invader zim.. my hair is on top of my head, i wanna go outside, fuck this snow, can't get off my street, everyones home, i need to do work, prefer to create alone or in the company of others creatives, still looking for my mojo, interesting convo this morning, hope i didn't upset you, sometimes i feel like we're playing tug of war... I dont think i'll win, i love you, i like the way things are, but there are days i wonder would it be okay if i reached for your hand in public... i inspire fb statuses, i long for freedom and a sparkly pair of heels.... 12 more mother fuckin days 

p.s.

 i'd love for ur face to end up in the mud,  for once i'd get my way..

paris nights, new york mornings

i kinda, sorta know what i want

at 12 midnight i want somebody to talk to

a photo i'm proud of

and a margarita, pomegranate made with patron

xoxo

jequise

going to get juice and hot puffs

number 10

It's Monday I'm snowed in and dealing with my strange thought process.. I text my best friend to tell him that I am frustrated and going through a no mojo phase. My work reflects it.. I like none of the pictures I've taken.. I have no muse, he usually is, but lately I'd rather be in his arms than taking photos of him.  I need to live alone to make art.. I dream of a two bed room apartment.. the living room will be my World, the bathroom will be Paris, My bedroom will be India and the other room will be white and full of lighting equipment.  

 Those dreams are not too big and May isn't far but I will not rush it... My 21st is 13 days away and it shall be the kickoff. I'm hoping when work begins, I will still have weekends off, I plan to take trips out of town to concerts and apartment hunt my ass off for that perfect place! I just wanna work, party, drink, and thrift.  I realize I don't to much care for the concept of trends, designers and what not, I just like clothes, all clothes, and  honestly don't know if I will be able to spend 500 smackaroonies on a pair of heels. I just enjoy what I wear. I'm kind of a fuck the rules type of girl and trust me I say fuck quite a bit in a day.

Post pictures of snow later if I go outside.. still debating... snow in the south = no mobility

same chick different clothes

If I were a painter and could  paint your memory

Trying to get back to writing, I feel like my words aren't interesting, photos are my thing

Its weird because writing was the one thing I use to love, I always wrote poetry and short stories, funny how your interests change

Never thought I'd be the type to wonder in the cold at an abandoned warehouse for a photo

I thought I'd be a straight A college student that wrote for the school newspaper

 Instead I'm a fashion obsessed chick who likes adventures and stylish men

Well loves stylish men, sometimes I feel like life takes u places to show you which way not to go, that has been me for the past two years, for once I think I'm on the right track

I'd climb inside the swirling skies to be with you