A stroll downtown with Betty,  in hopes of taking pictures of strangers but after walking for a bit I realized I didn't want to be alone.  I am constantly playing with the f-stops on my camera now, trying to learn and get better. Everything I have on is thrifted or old, well the belt was once my moms. Trying to utilize my closet, that whole budgeting thing. I only have one question can it be may already?  There are people missing in my life, I want to be closer to them, some of them I don't even know yet.

kinda like home

felt like myself again, i missed me, the crazy bitch still hasn't left, i'm giving her till may to vacate.  at 7 am puddles, buildings, and bridges were on my mind.  nashville saturday morning, sunday murfreesboro two toned wall.


deep breaths

As much as I love you, as much as I care, there are days I wonder if I am settling.   I admit I get insecure, it has nothing to do with distance, it all has to do with you, your ways, women love you, still trying to figure that out, like what the fuck do you do. The first day I realized I loved you I cried. I didn't want to, I refused to put myself in another position where the love would not be returned. There was also another chick in your life, I didn't want you to hurt her, I remember being her age, doing the things she did, hanging on to someone who cared but didn't care, or at least that's what his actions said. At times your actions do that, I hate your drunk texts, they're sweet but I'd rather hear those things while u were sober. Last night I was angry with you, you text me and I knew you were either drunk or high. Eventually things will go back to the way they were, sometimes I want them too, sometimes I don't wanna care.

I wrote that a few weeks ago, my predictions came true, you ever just get that feeling in your bones. That feeling that something is going to happen but you can not put your finger on it.  Women's intuition or maybe I know u well enough. I cried for different reasons other than you, most were of confusion and just being angry at myself.  I can't breathe right and my voice is gone, the cough is leaving.. I hate being sick. I'm also trying to remember what time I have to be at work in the morning...bummer.. right.  If I press publish post I'm being bold, if I don't I'm being a coward.. or sparing your fucking feelings.  The seesaw shit ends here it has too or at least for me, I really do feel like Carrie. Of course I'll distance myself, I'll have too.. I'll learn too and I really do want my camera back. I know you're not suppose to do givebacksy's but I really do miss that camera, and I lied it is a good excuse.. a dslr in a club ain't sexy unless I'm getting paid to be there.

I'll post pictures eventually.. I wanted to wander downtown today and take pictures of pedestrians as they crossed the street and go about their day.. this cold stopped me, I don't want it to get worse. Weather change screws me up, I screw me up.  I like to see ppl doing well, it makes me happy, lets me know that my day will come. It may take a while but I know that it will get here, I'm so ready to move, I keep seeing the cutest furniture that makes me smile. I'm spending the weekend in nashville, taking pictures, getting a room, letting my inhibitions run free.  Its hot in here, I can't wait to get naked, this isn't meant to hurt feelings, writing helps me, and over the phone never works, so here are my feelings, I've stuffed them in a jar and hid them far away on a back shelf that I can't reach. 


ponder this

When a friend randomly texts me to ask if I'm happy.. my thoughts were perplexed as to why this question came about in his brilliant mind. He's no where near me, we don't talk everyday, I haven't posted a drastic blog, tweet, or fb status, or is unhappiness that evident in someone you care about. I hope he reads this and answers my question. My answer to him was that I was simply unsatisfied... in 3 years I haven't excelled in school or had a successful relationship. So often I sit and ponder wtf is wrong with me? I actually know the answer to school, its simply I just dnt want too, I mean there's more to it but you get the gist.  I've also become a recluse here, this place is bad for my health, I am el miserable. Oh and the relationship shit..I get in the same situations over and over.. limbo status.. will I ever make it under the fuckin stick!! vjay stealer, killer infatuation, the hero, loser j, and my very own mr big.

and i'm still pondering a new blog name



I want to change the name of my blog... no fashion involved in the title.. I hardly ever post about trends and when I do an outfit post I never put where the clothes are from, mostly because I figure you all will get tired of seeing forever 21, charlotte russe, thrift store, and uhhh I don't remember. I go to all these sites and never buy, yea I'm cheap, but to better my fashion I will have to spend more, not a whole lot more, just more.  This blog is a growing process with me, when I'm right it will be right.

the chick trying to get it right
story of my life


morning go!!!

Condoms, tattooed women,classic beauty..every morning should be this grand

   "You do anything long enough to escape the habit of living until the escape becomes the habit"- David Ryan 

Click the links you'll enjoy..I think links make the blog look ugly. I'm just to lazy to click the link button, so I copy and paste. The art of ugly has become a fav of mine, I follow girls that I think are gorgeous on twitter well usually my interest has been peaked. I adore beautiful, eccentric, fashionable, idgaf chicks, I'd go lesbo if I had the balls. I use to google quotes for fb statuses to describe how I felt, when I didn't have the words.

I want somebody to walk up behind me and kiss me on my neck 


yea yea yea i know

shopping, and sex, shopping and sex, shopping and sex, i am unbelievably broke and my skin is crawling from not being able to buy anything.. i admit it i'm a fucking addict for clothes.. i just want some peanut butter and jelly earrings and hotel to room to fufill my fantasies, i woke up feeling like shit, went back to work monday, i'm off today, no job should lay off for two months.. i wanna be in school right now for the wrong reasons..my thoughts are jumbled hope u can tell, i gave up on correct grammar first sentence, i need a hustle i'm bout to pimp my photography skills, 16 days so many hours and secs till i get paid.. life of a struggling shopaholic, least i got a roof over my head, i dnt believe money makes you happy but i think we can agree it makes things better. 

the girl lookin for better days

p.s. i wrote this on wednesday